I have not kept Michael's suicide a secret. A whole community grieved and to a point continues to grieve Michael's death with aspects of horror and disbelief of the effect that his suicide has had on our family. No family should go through the pain my family has experienced and continues to experience. If anything I can provide helps even one person, I feel a need is met. Michael has gone. He rests eternally in peace, free of suffering. My family has disappeared, is not at peace and is suffering beyond measure, probably forever, and that pain will pass on as a family dysfunction to the next generation. Suicide is so painful for those left. Thank you David for your information page. My husband committed suicide nearly 2 years ago. Michael had been a very fit, active man, a keen sportsman. He had been reared all of his childhood in an orphanage. I was the first person he had ever loved. He told me the night he left our home that life was unbearable. In spite of (yet again) suggesting a visit to our doctor to review medication etc, he was unwilling and uncooperative to every suggestion. I feel fortunate in that I feel I understand the why part of the problem. I do not agree with what he did. I was married to him for years. We loved each other. He was 17 years older than me. I realise that his health had broken down. I was as supportive as I could be. He had become erratic and was experiencing explosive mood swings of rage. He had always been a placid man. The aftermath of his death is what his suicide has done to our loving family. At first none of our daughters would speak to me. None of them would sit with me at the funeral. Over 500 people attended Michael's funeral. It took 1 year before one daughter would contact me. With Michael's death, I lost 3 daughters and 8 grandchildren and 2 sons-in-law. One son-in-law stood by me. One daughter is returning to me. I again have contact with 3 of my 8 grandchildren. My other 2 daughters, and their husbands were hostile to me, and they refuse to let me see their children. That hurts the grandchildren. We were a close family. I regularly babysat all of those children on average at least once a fortnight. They miss my love. They lost two grandparents when Michael died. I understand, but my adult children in their 4th decade do not. They are suffering terribly. They blame me with hostility. This estrangement is my real hurt, and the hurt for all of us. Tomorrow I am having coffee with the daughter who wants her Mum back. She is returning to me again, but her sisters are now estranged from her, and are doing to her what they all did to me. I am not getting caught up in that. I will support her, and I can forgive my two other daughters, because they are hurting so,but I am not prepared to be the blame target or the whipping boy. They are adults I am fortunate. I have many friends, who even after 2 years contact me and make me feel valued. My life is moving on. I have had to get strategies to deal with the loss of my whole family. I got professional help. All counsellors advised keeping away from my daughters until they were ready to be with me again. At first I found this unbearable. I was grieving the loss of my husband, lover and best friend. I had friends. I am grateful for their love and support and their reality checks. My real pain is what has happened to my family, my lovely girls and their beautiful children. Everybody loses. Michael would not have known the outcome of his actions. I am not bitter. I still love Michael, but his actions have hurt me deeply because of the effect on our lovely family. I am making my own life. Life is too short and I have so much yet to achieve. I fear for one daughter's mental health. I fear for the effect suicide will have on my grandchildren. I cannot change what has happened. I could not prevent what has happened in spite of my vigilance, love and understanding. What the community needs to know is the ripple effect on the family that suicide can have. I doubt that my other 2 daughters will ever come back to me. I just have to accept that and yes it is tough. I have 1 daughter now and 3 grandchildren. I concentrate on what I have, not on what I have lost, but it is hard. Last Christmas I was told that I was not welcome to the family Christmas. Christmas always meant so much in our family. I decided to move house. I have moved house to another area, still close to my family. I am making myself a new life. I have made the right decision. I love my new house. It has no memories. It is brand new and has no bad vibes. No sins have been committed here, no arguments etc. All who visit come in peace with love. Nobody should have to go through the pain I have experienced, but I have survived, and I have hope and enjoy most days. Michael is at peace. his suffering has ended, but my family is hurting so, and I cannot do anything about it until they are ready. Thank you for your insights. You are spot on. Suicide can kill a family, even a very loving, close family, and in my case it has, at least up to now. The future gives hope, but one has to be realistic.
Suicidal thoughts can be beaten! They are distorted information taking over your thinking when you are feeling down If your suicidal ideas are strong, the following tips may help you. 1) Try to see the suicidal ideas as symptoms of an illness, not part of you. They are alien thoughts trying to destroy you. Get help from family, friends or professionals as soon as possible. It is much easier to fight these thoughts if you have help from other people to supplement your own efforts. Your family and friends would rush to help you if you were drowning or in an accident, so tell them now if your life is in danger from suicide 3) Find someone you can talk to, whether it is a family member, a friend, a professional or a telephone crisis service such as Lifeline (whose number is on the front page of this site). Human brains can understand and resolve lots of problems, but only when they have been put into words, so your brain can understand exactly what the issue is. 4) If you cannot talk to someone at the moment, start writing down the problems and the feelings you have. But don't just write down the negatives, write down the positives you would tell someone else in your position. 5) TELL YOURSELF, OR WRITE DOWN, WHAT YOU WOULD TELL A FRIEND WHO WAS FEELING SUICIDAL. 7) DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL OR TAKE DRUGS AT THIS TIME: 8) Get rid of the methods you were contemplating using. 10) GO TO SLEEP INSTEAD: Disclaimer: The Australian Suicide Prevention Foundation (1800HOLDON.com.au) is providing information only, not medical or psychological assessment, advice or treatment. For any feedback on this page, and any suggestions you think may be useful, please email editor@suicideprevention.com.au. All donations of any size are welcome, and are tax deductible, as we are a Government approved charity. Please go to our home page to donate, and receive a FREE 200 page Ebook on Depression written by our Founder/Medical Director, Clinical Associate Professor David Horgan. . .
2) Try to remember that other people felt suicidal and are now glad to be alive. This is the outcome in nearly every single case, so it is likely to be the outcome in your case also, even though the pain is bad at the moment.
6) Try to have someone with you when you are suicidal. Go and see someone or ask someone to come to you, and maybe spend the night in their house, so that you are not alone at night with bad suicidal thoughts. In the morning, services can be utilised to help you.
When you are affected by alcohol or drugs, they wash away your logic and intelligence, and let you emotions and impulses take over. When you are feeling really miserable, these impulses and emotions will drastically exaggerate how bad things are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
This will lessen the temptation when you are feeling particularly vulnerable.
9) Go somewhere safe:
This may mean you can go for a walk, visit friends, go to a movie, or do something that gets you away from the temptation to harm yourself. Avoid places you had been considering going to with a view to harming yourself.
Just like doctors give people painkillers and put them asleep when they have bad physical pain, knowing the pain will be less when they wake up, so it is the same for psychological pain. Go to bed, and try to sleep. Even if you cannot sleep, try to use some relaxation exercises, and try to think of the positives other people would see in you and in your life. If you have been prescribed sleeping tablets, take a safe dose of these tablets; even if you do not sleep, they will lessen your emotional pain. When you wake up, you can access help from family, friends and professionals.