Disclaimer:
The Australian Suicide Prevention Foundation is providing information only, not medical or psychological assessment or advice
SUMMARY: .
Women are generally more in touch with emotional responses than are men, and while enjoying the emotional positives of life perhaps more, women are far more vulnerable to depression. Depression distorts your viewpoint, so you see only problems and negatives, and cannot see positives or solutions. In reality, depression, and relationship problems, will inevitably come to an end, and you would never advise a friend to die because of a temporary illness, or because of a relationship problem, so tell yourself what you would tell a friend. Please also keep in mind that medical research has repeatedly shown that if you die from suicide, you markedly increase the risk of suicide in family members, especially your children.
DEPRESSION:
In many countries in the western world, it is estimated that 20% of women (and 10% of men) will have at least one episode of depression. Very often, you will not notice this illness creeping up on you, as it makes you very tired, stops you enjoying things, turns off your sexual interest, and makes it difficult for you to think clearly or to read. If you have trouble making decisions, or cannot read and remember as well as you could 12 months ago, it strongly suggests you have depression or a similar psychological illness, which is distorting your thinking. Do not make decisions about your life, or any other major issue, when your thinking and judgment are distorted by an illness that is allowing you to see only negatives, and is magnifying those negatives.
WHAT IS DEPRESSION? READ HERE FOR MORE DETAILS
WHAT IS DEPRESSION OR DEPRESSIVE ILLNESS?
We use the term “depression” in normal conversation to describe distress or unhappiness following an unpleasant event that has happened to us. This depression is a perfectly normal response of course, is usually short-lived, and usually resolves rapidly, without the need for any specific treatment.
In contrast, depressive illness, is a much more severe and prolonged condition, with persistent apathy, negativity and difficulty coping, which will affect about 20% of people at some stage in their lives. Those who have not suffered depressive illness can understand more clearly the suffering involved by recalling the most distressed state they have experienced in their own lives (such as a grief reaction), and imagine that feeling continuing for months, for no obvious reason. Depressive Illness is the emotional equivalent of a broken leg. The condition is painful and disabling, but with a very high cure rate. Indeed, many people state they would far prefer to have a broken leg or some other obvious physical problem, which would allow them and the people around them to understand why they are so suddenly disabled.
Depressive illness is similar to cancer in many ways. No-one is immune from either, regardless of age, sex, intelligence, social status, etc. In severe cases, the condition is life-threatening. Early, intensive and occasionally prolonged treatment gives the best chance of totally eradicating the illness, and reducing the risk of relapse. A combination of your own efforts, and appropriate medication, produces much better results than either approach on its own.
WHO GETS DEPRESSIVE ILLNESS?
In the vast majority of people, depressive illness results from a build-up of stress, which eventually causes a breakdown in the body’s chemistry. Factors which increase the risk of developing depressive illness when faced with stress include:
DIAGNOSING DEPRESSIVE ILLNESS :
This illness is diagnosed if you have a few of the following standard complaints in depressive illness. These include :
TREATMENT :
Huge amounts of research have shown that only certain treatments are proven to work in treating depression.
The best treatment for you depends on the severity of the illness, and on the predisposing factors. Mild illnesses may respond to discussing the stresses, and finding better ways to deal with them (Problem Solving Therapy). Encouragement to think and act positively (Cognitive Therapy) may be helpful. Discussing relationship difficulties has also been shown by research to be effective (Interpersonal Therapy).
For more disabling or severe depressive illnesses, medication is usually necessary to repair the damaged chemistry, as well as dealing with the stresses and predisposing factors. There is also recent research indicating the importance of eradicating depressive illness as soon as possible, to lessen the risks of developing resistant or relapsing depressive illness. It is therefore important to take adequately strong doses of antidepressants, and to remain on the medication for some months after recovery. Antidepressants are not addictive (unlike tranquillisers in some cases), and can only bring an individual’s mood back to a normal level (they are not “uppers”).
NOTE : It is important to avoid alcohol and marijuana when significantly depressed, and certainly to avoid alcohol in anything other than very small amounts; this reduces the risk that you will become more distressed as the alcohol suppresses the normal aspects of your emotions, running the risk of the distressed part of you becoming more prominent and disabling. Also, it is important not to make any significant decisions while depressed, as depressive illness causes you to see only the negative side of situations (making mountains out of molehills), without being able to properly appreciate the positives that also exist.
WHAT CAN OTHERS DO TO HELP ?
The most important role is to understand the illness and indeed the suffering that goes on under the seemingly healthy surface in patients with depressive illness, sometimes described as the “walking wounded”. You cannot give answers to the illness, but a vital aid to recovery is to express understanding and sympathy, while reminding the depressed person that they will recover, despite their own pessimism and fears. “Unconditional frequent contact” is invaluable, Some people need help with practical issues; others mainly need the reassurance of regular contact and reassurance.
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN ?
The idea that you or someone close to you has an illness which is not visible, and does not respond to simply being logical, can be very frustrating and perhaps frightening. Human beings have always been afraid of unknown illnesses, until medical science solved the problem including epilepsy and TB. In time, depressive illness will also lose its stigma, but meanwhile, fantastic rumours and fears will continue about the illness and its treatment.
To fill in a questionnaire to see if you have depression, you can go to http://www.depression.com.au and fill in the questionnaire there.
Do remember that depression can be treated very effectively by professionals and by your doctor, and the emotional pain will stop. Visit www.depression.com.au
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
Relationships with partners, friends and family are very important, and women in particular, are very aware of this fact. Accordingly, problems and arguments in relationships can feel extremelypainful and seem overwhelming. In crisis situations such as this, people sometimes have thoughts of suicide to escape the situation. However, do keep in mind that life and relationships change continuously, do not let one period in time destroy all the future positives that are inevitably going to happen in your life. Everyone’s life is a mixture of positives, negatives and neutral events, and it is important to step back and recover when bad times happen.
IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER
A good relationship, in which you can talk to your partner about anything and everything is THE MOST IMPORTANT PROTECTION AGAINST DEVELOPING DEPRESSION at times of stress. On the other hand, difficulties in the relationship between two people is one of the most common causes of depression. The following outline is a simple but very effective way of improving relationships between two people.
When two people first meet, they rapidly start spending a lot of time alone together, talking when they are alone and throwing in some friendly physical contact! In contrast, when they have been living together for some time, and without any conscious awareness of the damage that is taking place, a couple often find themselves doing much less of these activities, which are vital in the bonding of human relationships. It often happens the two partners find themselves very busy, and when they are sitting in a room together, they often find themselves watching TV. When they socialise, they often make a point of catching up on friends at the same time, so that they almost never socialise just the two of them alone. Although both parties see themselves as working hard for the joint benefit of the relationship and perhaps of the family, they are often unaware of the fact that they are not maintaining the bonding of their relationship, leading them to become more irritable and negative towards each other.
TRICKS TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
1. TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR 20 MINUTES A DAY! The one thing we are all short of in life is time. Deliberately spending regular time to talk with one other person only is objective proof of care for that person.
It is therefore very useful to make sure that each evening the two of you sit down together, with the TV turned off, no newspapers available, and the children not around. Younger children may be in bed and older children can be told not to interrupt private adult time, a good example for them for future years as to how to run a relationship. It does not matter what is discussed, as long as arguments are avoided.
2. THE RIGHT OF VETO. To prevent these 20 to 30 minute sessions, perhaps with a cup of coffee or a drink, turning into arguments, each party has the right of veto, so that potentially explosive subjects can be dropped before they escalate into an argument. To prevent deadly silence after the veto has been used, the person who vetoes one subject has to raise the next topic of conversation. It needs to be emphasized that the use of a veto is a constructive approach, designed to ensure that the time together is a positive rather than negative experience.
3. GO OUT ALONE TOGETHER ONCE PER WEEK. Having a nice time outside the house socially is very important. However, if this only happens in the company of other people, it takes away from the reminder that you and your partner can have a nice time together, just in each other’s company. This is an essential component of enjoying the relationship with your partner. When you were dating each other, you did not bring half a dozen friends with you every time you saw each other!.
4. MAKE DEALS. As time passes, we are all tempted to become less patient with the habits of our partners, and indeed they may well develop new habits as the years go by. Sometimes, it is very useful to make a list in private of particular types of behaviour that you would like your partner to change, and ask your partner to make the same list. Once a week, or less often, you can then perhaps make a deal about doing something differently, in return for your partner also doing something differently. Both people really trying to change bits of behaviour that annoy the other, or are frequent flashpoints for arguments, again confirm that you care about each other, and want a good relationship.
5. THE PACKAGE DEAL CONCEPT. Apart from you and I, nobody is perfect! We all have positives and negatives, and it is easy to take the positives of your partner for granted, and become preoccupied with the negatives. If you know you would miss your partner if he or she died suddenly, then you obviously are glad you have the package. Of course it would be wonderful if various other extras could be added, but if they are not perfect, then you do not have to aim to be perfect either!
ALL NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE GOOD AND BAD PHASES.
BE TOLERANT !!
OTHER SOLUTIONS
Talking, excercice, medication, rest.
Talking to a friend, or even spending time with a friend without talking, can be extremely helpful when you are distressed. If friends are not available there are 24hr helplines who will talk to you in confidence, they will not ask for your name or try to trace you phone number. Counsellors, psychologists and doctors can help. If these options are not suitable or available, going for a walk or taking any form of exercise is proven help against depression.
Many people are worried about taking prescription drugs but anti-depressants and tranquillisers can help you get through a bad patch, while you work out some longer term solutions, get medical advice from a professional you trust and get along with.
When you feel really bad, or have suicidal thoughts, go to sleep! The old phrase is true; many problems will seem much less serious in the morning. If the pain does continue, there are people and treatments that can help you, without needing to consider ending your life. You would never tell a friend to end their lives because of a distressing event in a relationship, so give yourself the same advice.
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